Saturday, December 2, 2017

2 Dec · Hong Kong

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,  each of us has turned to our own way;and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. - Isaiah 53:6

Didn't manage to use a "right" attitude to spend this semester. Kept searching for a buoy to save me while He already save me, opening his arms and waiting for me to come to his embrace. That was the worst feeling ever, knowing you're worthy but still couldn't get out from self-sinking. I think that is my biggest weakness, naturally try to dependent on human nature and idolise humanity rather than our unfailing God. May be I was over confident on myself, that's why He want to teach me to rely him more through all these incidents in this semester, so that I can learn how to dependant on Him again. 

Here comes to December. This semester has come to the end. Now I only have to finish 3 more finals and 1 more presentation then I am going to Korea to spend my new year and travelling to Mae Sot in January. Feel a little bit excited to the coming trips and take a break from the busy life :) Life in this semester is a bit too tiring: leave the house before 10am and come back around 8pm almost everyday. My schedule is packed with attending class, working in school office, tutoring kids, meeting with Connecting Myanmar team, organising cultural activities for asylum seekers in HK, doing homework. It was a fruitful one, I did enjoyed all these activities and event but busy schedule really took away the time I usually spent with myself, or I should say with God. Occupying with the stuffs, I could not take time to manage my mind clearly, digest my emotion and meditate about life ( I always need time to think about life), not to say time to spending time with God. I still remembered how much time I spent on doing devotion, reading scripture and theoretical book, listening praise song, meditating God's words last semester. Honestly, I did nothing of these in this semester. Even I open out my bible, I can't patiently immerse in the scriptures and my thought would just run into the stuffs happening in my life.

I dont know if it is my own problem or life in Hong Kong is so busy and competitive that often makes people alienated from themselves. I learnt about Marx's theory of alienation this semester, I think Marx is right in this way. We all just like the lost star, trying so hard to light up the dark while the lumière here is already so bright. I don't want to be a light to outshine the lumière here, I just want to be a light that could shine in my own ways. I would choose to go to a less enjoyable place to live a life that closer to my inner self, to exchange my life for life, my love for love, my trust for trust but not money for money or material for material. 

"Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model… but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces which make it a living thing" - John Struat Mill

I know I am the tree which God has planted with a seed. He wants me to pursue my life in accordance with the purpose He plan for me. God, guide me more with your Spirit and only live for you. Thank you as you never give me up and adopt me as your child. Amen 

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